Monday, October 10, 2016

Teaching is Hard - An Open Look at My Heart

As a student teacher (that's not even full time yet!), I know what you're probably thinking...how can YOU think teaching is hard? You don't even have the paperwork, the parents, the lesson plans, etc. And you're right. I am just now seeing a glimpse of what it is like to enter into the world of teaching.

But I mean that teaching is hard emotionally.

Almost every single day that I go to my classroom I learn something new about the home lives of one of my kids. As someone who cares deeply for the well-being of others, I can't help but take on their pain as my own. I desperately wish that I could shield them from the hurt in their lives and take away the pain that they have all gone through, but I can't.

I struggle with classroom management with these kids. How can I be strict with them when this might be the only place that they have where they can feel loved? I've heard the quote, "Students who are loved at home come to school to learn, and students who aren't come to school to be loved." I have to constantly remind myself that holding high expectations of my kids is a manifestation of my love for them and that they will realize that. To set the bar high is to realize that they are capable of something GREAT.

These kids deserve the world. Often I feel that they deserve a teacher that is so much better than I'll ever be. Because of the lack and scarcity in their lives, I want to overcompensate by giving them some superstar teacher that knows everything and gets all the kids in the class to love math and love learning. But that isn't who I am and that isn't realistic. This is the population that I feel called to teach not only this year, but after graduation as well. In order to be a successful educator, I have to realize that I can't try to overcompensate for their home lives by trying to be more than who I am. I am enough because of who I am and because I will commit each day to loving and learning alongside each one of my kids.

So teaching is hard emotionally. There have already been days when I have come home crying and days I've come home smiling and filled with joy. It's a roller coaster of emotions but that's simply what teaching is.

"The best thing about being a teacher is that it matters. The hardest thing about being a teacher is that it matters every day."